ERM Hello …….

Is that how I should start? Or should it be HELLLOOOOO!!!!! ??

Not really sure how to start this off … gets a point where I’ve written it so many times in my head and not in real life and so it gets complicated.

So, I’m just gonna start.

Hello. How are you? It’s been ages. Maybe you’ve only just come across Hapus and maybe you’ve been following us for ages. If its ages, chances are you’ve been wondering where we have been? Got bored and gone home? Moved to Morocco …Eaten by aliens? No, just… silent.

It wasn’t me gov honest, it’s the gremlins fault, not mine.

Look, you can’t blame the gremlins …Who even are the gremlins?

…it was a film….came out in the 8os… that was 30 years ago …30 years!? how did that even happen?

Anyway, gremlins, demons, negative voice, fears, procrastination, self-doubt …call it what you will …I think we all know the beast of which we speak. I choose gremlins, or demons, and I have a rather special relationship with them …there are a few reasons for this

Firstly, the whole reason I set up Hapus was to help people improve their mental health, and the reason I wanted to do this is because I have experienced anxiety and depression myself. Like many people who experience something negative I wanted to help others avoid the problems that I had experienced. But, the fact remains that, my brain, left to its own devices can gravitate to the negative, I have a tendency to be more self-critical, and harsh on myself than your average punter. I think, when they were handing out self –doubt, I got confused and stood in the queue too long and got given a double helping.

Secondly I’m doing something new, something I really care about and want to get right. Gremlins favourite food, new, independent ventures, with lots of personal investment.

Want to know what they have been saying? Things like:

‘Oh, you’re crap that this’

‘You’ve been depressed, who wants to listen to someone like you?’

‘You’ve got nothing of interest to say.’

‘You’re a failure’.

‘Everyone will laugh at you.’

‘There are plenty of better qualified people than you that will do a far better job.’

‘You’re useless, and rubbish and this idea will never work’.

And when they are feeling really cocky, they get carried away and start getting totally off topic with things like…

‘You’re fat, you’re ugly, and a useless mother ….’

Honestly there are nasty little buggers, who can really do a number on me before I’ve had my first cup of tea in the morning!

You see, we all have fears, and experience self-doubt, it comes with the territory of being a human, in fact, they say that the only people who don’t have self-doubt are narcissists and psychopaths, so having the ability to doubt and question your thoughts and behaviour is a good thing. It’s just the degree to which we do this.  

My self-doubt gremlins are fat little buggers, they are entitled creatures, who have been over indulged, spoilt even, and they have been taking up a lot of head space, and causing a lot of trouble.  

This is why the name Gremlin is very appropriate …you see in the film a Gremlin, to begin with, is cute, and cuddly, BUT feed them after midnight, and all hell is let loose, they multiply exponentially, and take over, creating chaos and carnage.

The only difference between the film version and my brain version is that my Gremlins cannot be fed at all, of course feeding them after midnight is a really bad plan, but if they are indulged at any time they will run amok and spoil things. Any form of attention in the form of belief will cause them to multiply and take over. My gremlins require a firm hand and a strict talking to.

Want to know what I’ve been telling my Gremlins?

F**k off! (Yep seriously, in public I’m a polite, well-mannered individual, in private, not so much)

I’m NOT crap. I have delivered this training over many years to hundreds of people, all my evaluation forms have been good, if not excellent, I have NEVER had a bad one and I haven’t paid a single person to write them.

Yes, people WILL want to listen to a person who has experienced depression, because only a person who has been there can really understand how it feels and people that are struggling will be comforted by talking to someone that has been through it too.

Maybe this idea won’t work, but I believe in it, I want to do it and I am going to do it. So Gremlins, thank you for your contribution, but I am not listening to you…once again, f**k off.

So you see dear friends, those Gremlins, They have been part of my life for so many years, I realise that I may never get them to completely leave the building, I don’t actually want to, (being a psychopath doesn’t particularly appeal!) but I have learnt how not to give them any power, how to answer them back, how to build my confidence and self-esteem to a place where I am running the show, not them.

So, we will be delivering several training courses in the next few weeks, and doing lots of other exciting things. And I will be writing more blogs to tell you about it. No matter what the Gremlins have to say, (and trust me they WILL have something to say,)

 I. Am. Going. To. Do. It. 

How about you? Who’s in charge at the moment, the hopeful, positive part of you, or those pesky Gremlins? What are they saying? Are you feeding or starving them? What are they stopping you from doing?

We will be teaching among other things all about how to manage your Gremlins, how to deal with self-doubt and low self-esteem, good mental health practices, and important stuff. I know it works, three years ago, I wanted to die. Today I have never been happier. Magic wands don’t exist, but mental health education does, and it works.

Thanks for reading


Sian and the Hapus gang x

ERM Hello …